Jonas Brothers – The Album

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It really doesn’t feel like four full years have passed since the Jonas Brothers’ comeback album was released in 2019. happiness begins, with quite a few one-off singles, collaborations, a 2021 tour, and a solo album from Nick in the interim. That attitude of not really committing to anything concrete or far-reaching might make a lot of sense when listening to his latest project, simply titled The album, Because if the return of the brothers has always felt a bit like a studio exec’s great idea to cash in on nostalgia to you, you’re about to get validated. Just when we thought Miley Cyrus endless summer vacation would be the softest pop album ever recorded by a former Disney star containing several shoehorned references to summer in almost every song coming out in 2023, Kevin, Nick and Joe have joined forces once again to prove us all wrong. Produced mostly by the even worse Charlie Puth, Jon Bellion, The album it suffers from TikTok attention span-itis with its minuscule track lengths, lyrical failures both underwritten and oddly off-kilter, and watered-down pastiches of 1970s funk-pop that permeate its entire runtime, but I think it’s probably taken over by now. at best when you saw two song titles beginning with the word “summer” next to each other on an album titled The album. It’s totally creative bankrupt.

The project opens with Joe Jonas singing “Jerseyyyyyyy” with a muffled Auto-Tune howl and some bouncy piano chords that comes across as the kind of obnoxiously happy and upbeat song you’d play in a poor attempt to cheer people up in a dystopian society. The track “Miracle” flows along with a jaunty falsetto chorus with synths echoing the melody and a truly awful drum fill that goes on too long and throws off the beat. Where Nick used to be the suave counterpart to Joe’s over-the-top general embarrassment, Nick is now asleep at the wheel and Joe’s grittier cadence is at least trying to inject some much-needed energy, or at the very least, humanity. The song “Montana Sky” certainly has one of the catchier choruses here, with sudden acoustic guitar breaking up the funkier syncopation in the back as the brothers harmonize over endless nights across several states across the nation, but it’s all been done. the aesthetics. until death and in much more personal and creative ways by others. It feels like the Jonas Brothers thought no one would notice if they ripped off one of Daft Punk’s lesser-known tracks. random access memories. Single “Wings” takes pride of place near the beginning, finding the group speeding through a song as they fly through undercooked changes and motifs to fit the track’s sub-two-minute length. It’s unclear how much of this was supposed to be the 15-second TikTok loop, because there’s not much that’s memorable.

Since this is essentially the Jonas Brothers’ yacht rock album, they figured they’d pull a line from one of the genre’s classics in the song “Sail Away,” something they sing a couple of times over some of the more generic twinklys. piano parts you will hear. Ironically, using the phrase “big summer sunset miracle” as if the track had been written by an AI generator of Trump tweets, Joe Jonas sounds particularly whiny uttering this one. Speaking of Trump, the song “Americana” opens with Jon Bellion’s muffled voice singing “my people, one time for my people,” and it’s not even the last time Bellion says something a white person probably should never say in this album. The song itself is another incredibly upbeat acoustic loop with apocalypse core, as the clearly out-of-touch brothers pay homage to good hard-working country folk who “show their love by messing with you” which begins to fade at the 1:48 mark. . The exclamation point in the title of the track “Celebrate!” it also won’t make me accept the utterly nauseating energy that can be present right next to Pharrell’s “Happy” and Justin Timberlake’s “Can’t Stop The Feeling”. With a background choir instructing us to live it and a digitized brass section, it concludes a truly unfortunate series of tracks.

The single “Waffle House” kicks off the second half; it is said to have been inspired by the Doobie Brothers and the Bee Gees, and what results is essentially the tune of “Physical” which has already been adapted a couple of times in the early years. -retro pandemic boom pasted over an instrumental that’s too close to being “The Hustle.” The gospel chorus in the back echoing the lyric “kill each other” begins to make the idea of ​​this album resonate ominously while hiding in an even funnier bunker. However, the song “Summer In The Hamptons” makes me want to go into that bunker, apocalypse or not. For the brothers to bring up scandalous activities, so many times, over and over again, is even more awkward this time than in the little-known original version of Nick Jonas’ “Jealous.” The track alternates between some overly dramatic harmonies and cuts where Nick half-mumbles the track’s title. Between these two tracks is the song “Vacation Eyes,” one that goes yacht rock and, honestly, becomes kind of endearing for committing so much to the part. With passionate slow-dancing piano playing in the background and a clarinet solo at the end, the brothers launch into some dreamy harmonies about seeing their partner in an even more idealized light as they enjoy the perfect vacation, Joe developing heartfelt eyes for the “Beach towel”. rolled up like a hair tie.”

By the same reasoning as “Montana Sky,” an imitation of much better songs, “Summer Baby” is a bit catchier due to being essentially a copy of “September.” With a nicely mixed bassline, the instrumental is doing all the legwork on this one, and at this point I’m honestly dreading the summer if the general public latches onto all these endless references. Things close out with “Little Bird,” an emotional song about these parents who eventually see their daughters get married that contains some pretty gross and outdated tropes about her replacing love for her father by “flying into someone else’s arms,” ​​and “Walls,” a melodramatic track with a rather absurd central idea about crying walls in the wake of a breakup that goes on too long after all the cuts. Worse, there’s a 2-minute outro that finds Jon Bellion repeatedly yelling out a Biggie lyric that has become iconic in rap culture.

Surely after hitting it big with “Sucker” on their comeback, the Jonas Brothers have made more money than they could possibly need, right? Is there no need to release any more albums and can you retire to judge talent shows and become one of those musicians more known for his public presence than his artwork? Because continuing down this path can get pretty bleak.

Favorite Songs: Vacation Eyes, Summer Baby

Least Favorite Song: Summer In The Hamptons

Score: 2/10

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